The Straight Re(a)d: Roll Up, Roll Up! United’s Circus, Haaland’s Feast and Kane’s One-Man Show

LONDON, England, October 22, 2026: So, another round of fixtures in the Premier League, and before a ball had even been kicked on Matchweek 7, Manchester United were already providing enough entertainment for an entire circus. Lisandro Martínez had publicly criticised the club’s hierarchy following the 2-0 Champions League defeat at Atlético Madrid on October 13. Roy Keane described the atmosphere at Old Trafford as a circus, and a week later, United’s 4-1 humiliation at Como left Michael Carrick’s team without a win in seven matches.

As if that weren’t enough, Bruno Fernandes questioned Carrick’s tactics after the Como defeat, giving Jamie Carragher another reason to reach for his indignation. Meanwhile, Erling Haaland scored twice in Manchester City’s 3-2 victory over Ipswich, Tottenham finally recorded their first Premier League win of the season, Brighton demolished Crystal Palace 5-0, and Harry Kane decided that being a striker wasn’t nearly enough work for one evening. Roll up, roll up. The greatest show on earth is back in town.

Manchester United: The Greatest Show at the Theatre of Dreams?

Roy Keane has never been someone to sugarcoat things, has he? His description of Manchester United as a circus followed Martínez’s complaints about the club’s summer recruitment and the failure to strengthen a squad that had finished third last season.

Former players were quick to condemn Martínez’s comments. Gary Neville argued that publicly questioning the quality of the squad was also an attack on his own teammates.

And Keane? Well, he went further, didn’t he? Hasn’t he made a career out of doing that?

United supporters might reasonably ask whether Sir Jim Ratcliffe has become the villainous ringmaster in this particular production. Although, with performances like Wednesday’s in Como, the performers themselves cannot escape responsibility.

In fairness, Martínez’s frustration hardly came out of nowhere. The problems surrounding the squad, recruitment and Carrick’s tactical approach have been examined extensively in The Sports Encounter’s investigation into Manchester United’s recurring problems.

But hasn’t football itself turned into a bit of a circus since Sky secured the Premier League broadcasting rights in 1992? Don’t get me wrong. I’m not deriding or disparaging it. I bought a ringside seat to the greatest show on earth years ago, and I’ve enjoyed almost every minute. Yet football has increasingly become as much a spectacle as a game.

Sky’s arrival changed how people watched English football, bringing new broadcasting technology, greater commercial attention and a different television experience. The Premier League’s history of its Sky Sports partnership traces that relationship back to the competition’s inaugural season.

Nowadays, the football often seems like the interval entertainment between press conferences, social media rows, questionable refereeing decisions and the occasional managerial meltdown.

And nowhere has that spectacle been more extraordinary than Manchester United.

Haaland’s Feeding Time at the Etihad Zoo

Nowhere has been more circuslike than the Etihad in recent weeks, but on Saturday the place bore more resemblance to a zoo.

Inflatable bananas were everywhere in the crowd, the atmosphere was anything but ordinary, and predictably it was feeding time for Erling Haaland, who treated himself to a double helping of his favourite form of nourishment: goals.

Manchester City defeated Ipswich Town 3-2, with Haaland scoring in the 34th and 69th minutes. Phil Foden also got himself on the scoresheet.

For anyone keeping count, that was City’s seventh Premier League victory from seven matches, and Haaland’s eighth league goal of the campaign.

For the full breakdown, see TSE’s analysis of Manchester City’s victory and the Premier League’s seventh matchweek, alongside the Premier League’s official matchweek analysis.

The inflatable bananas were part of another extraordinary afternoon for supporters already wrestling with the club’s off-field controversy. The financial-rules case has transformed some fixtures into public demonstrations of defiance, as we discussed in our earlier examination of City’s atmosphere following the financial verdict.

Of course, Haaland doesn’t seem particularly interested in any of that. Give him a football, an opposition penalty area and half a chance, and he’ll generally find a way to ruin somebody’s afternoon.

Even the elephants at the zoo would struggle to match his appetite.

The Relegation Funfair: Everyone Wants Off the Rollercoaster

As the league table begins to sort itself out, the bottom always has a bit of a funfair feel to it.

Every game between sides near the dreaded line becomes a rollercoaster, every point is celebrated like a winning lottery ticket, and references to the managerial merry-go-round begin before the carousel has even warmed up.

Before the weekend, rumours suggested Fulham manager Álvaro Arbeloa had only two matches to save his job. Whether the supposed ultimatum was quite as dramatic as reported is another matter, but he certainly needed a result.

And he got one.

Fulham beat Hull City 1-0 thanks to Alex Iwobi’s first-half goal, finally giving their supporters a Premier League victory to celebrate this season.

Arbeloa can breathe a little more easily, although anyone who has spent five minutes following football knows how quickly that can change.

Unfortunately, as attention shifted away from the Spaniard, it landed firmly on a Frenchman.

Crystal Palace manager Pierre Sage described his sense of shame after Brighton thrashed his team 5-0. There are defeats, and then there are afternoons when you wish the ground would open and swallow the entire technical area.

Palace found themselves three goals behind inside the opening ten minutes. At that point, it was less a tactical contest than a fire drill.

Newcastle aren’t in particularly cheerful spirits either. A 1-0 home defeat to Aston Villa made it two league losses on the bounce after their promising earlier performances. Suddenly, they look a bit, well, lost.

The contrast with the previous matchweek is worth remembering. Coventry had just beaten Newcastle 4-1 in a performance that suggested Frank Lampard’s team had finally found its feet. TSE’s account of Coventry’s remarkable victory showed how quickly fortunes can change at this level.

Which leads us rather neatly to North London.

Tottenham Finally Wins: Send in the Clowns, or the Celebrations?

There was a carnival atmosphere at the Tottenham Hotspur Stadium on Monday as the home side finally got the monkey off their back and removed the elephant from the room. Yes, we’re back at the zoo.

Spurs beat Coventry City 3-1, ending their winless start to the Premier League campaign and becoming the final club in the division to register a league victory this season.

James Maddison, Omar Marmoush and Ben Davies provided the goals, giving the home supporters something they’d been waiting seven league matches to enjoy.

For Tottenham, the relief must have been enormous. For their opponents, it was an unwelcome reminder that football offers no guarantees, even after an emphatic victory the previous week.

It has been quite the journey for Spurs, whose difficulties were already evident when we examined their struggles during Matchweek 5.

Will one win turn their season around? Possibly. But I suspect the supporters would prefer a few more before booking the open-top bus.

Europe’s Big Wheels: PSG, Arsenal and Harry Kane’s One-Man Show

Meanwhile, in Europe, four of the continent’s biggest wheels met.

Champions League holders Paris Saint-Germain defeated Barcelona 4-2 in Paris, while Arsenal rescued a late 2-2 draw with six-time European champions Bayern Munich.

That second match featured a particularly unusual performance from Harry Kane.

The former Tottenham striker scored from the penalty spot, provided the assist for Alphonso Davies’ equaliser and even took a goal-kick.

A goal-kick!

From a centre-forward!

Whatever next? Will he collect the corner flags after full-time and make sure the dressing room lights are turned off?

Apparently, there is no truth in the rumour that he then drove all his teammates back in his people-carrier after the coach broke down.

Declan Rice’s late equaliser rescued a point for Arsenal, ensuring Kane’s extraordinarily busy evening didn’t end with a victory.

The wider European picture, including PSG’s victory, appears in TSE’s Champions League Matchday 3 coverage. The official UEFA results confirm the full slate of fixtures.

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There’s plenty to admire about the competition’s leading teams, but for sheer theatrical effect, nobody seems capable of competing with Manchester United.

Back to Old Trafford: Bruno Joins the Circus

Manchester United captain Bruno Fernandes broke ranks after his team’s 4-1 defeat at Como, questioning Michael Carrick’s decision not to press the opposition man-to-man.

Jamie Carragher condemned his intervention as a disgrace, adding another voice to a debate that has become almost as exhausting as United’s performances.

No word as yet from Roy Keane, although I imagine he’s already warming up.

So, first Martínez and now Fernandes.

Is this the beginning of the end for Carrick, or the beginning of the end for Fernandes?

Perhaps United’s problems run deeper than either man. That possibility certainly looks more convincing after the sequence of tactical failures and recruitment concerns explored in TSE’s earlier investigation into Carrick’s stalled revival.

Cesc Fàbregas’ Como deserve credit, too. As our earlier Champions League coverage explained, the Italian side have become an intriguing presence in European competition.

But United’s problems cannot all be attributed to excellent opponents. There is only so long that a football club can keep changing the performers without examining who is directing the show.

What Does the Next Act Have in Store?

So, what happens next? The Premier League returns this weekend with several fixtures capable of giving supporters more reasons to laugh, cry or throw their hands into the air.

The dates and fixtures are listed in the Premier League’s official October schedule.

Coventry host Fulham, who will be hoping their win over Hull wasn’t just a brief intermission before another round of panic. Palace welcome Newcastle in a contest neither side can particularly afford to lose.

And Manchester United face Bournemouth at Old Trafford.

If they don’t win that one, I imagine the Theatre of Dreams will begin looking more like the House of Horrors in the run-up to Halloween.

Well, that’s it for another week. It was fun. Of course it was. That’s why we watch football.

Here’s a question: if Fulham lose away to Coventry, will Álvaro Arbeloa find himself back on the managerial merry-go-round? And how many more acts can Michael Carrick survive before someone at Old Trafford decides the show needs a new director?

Answers on a postcard, or in the comments below.

As for Carrick and Fernandes, time will tell.

But it’s definitely the end of this article.